As the Van broke down it gave me the most important thing back I lost, myself. Sitting on an Italian toilet I suddenly realised. I lost my focus. The goal of this trip, meeting people who contribute to a better European society, was totally off my screen. It was occupied by the van, the materialistic part of our trip, making plans and trying really hard to get them realised. As it broke down I substituted this by making other travel plans with my head. Where it could have produced much more effective thoughts…Where was my flow? The space for serendipities was gone. I really pushed to hard, and as speed is only good when heading towards the right direction, I got lost. Being busy with material stuff and planning gave me an alibi not dealing with the real important thing. Following my heart. Being open for what is inside me and is happening around me, for the love my darling and my main goal, working on the interreligious dialogue.
It made me feel uncomfortable, feeling my uncertainty which I tried to cover. A couple of days later again I refused to feel and got messed up with my head and making fights -pretty ironical doing this while talking to people about peace- I didn’t felt internal peace. I was really afraid of feeling, seeing my pain. I was afraid of realising me, my goals in this world and became blocked. From this point it was impossible to talk to people about a Great Place to Live. I rather ran away instead of standing proudly in this world, realizing that this is one of my 26.0000 days between nothing and infinity in which the light can open my heart showing me all the pain and the beauty of being me.
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